


I Would Never Leave You In The Dark (gave you the center of my heart)

by Bluejay141519



Series: Capsize [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, But also protective, EJ is mad, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Here we go, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Nate is wise beyond years, Oh god, Prompt Fill, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, gabe is so hurt by all of this, only its one sided, theres supposed to be so much more to this honestly, this is why you communicate folks, tyson is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 13:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18389045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluejay141519/pseuds/Bluejay141519
Summary: Tyson flinches. His breathing is shaky but he’s been nothing short of a wreck for the last few days. He can do this. He owes Gabe this.“He said yes to dating you for real, remember? He said yes once. Give him a reason to say it again .”(Or- Tyson fucks up).





	I Would Never Leave You In The Dark (gave you the center of my heart)

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [Signe_chan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signe_chan/pseuds/Signe_chan) in the [wesmashing](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesmashing) collection. 



> JESUS CHRIST IVE NEVER BEEN SO STRESSED 
> 
> sorry I had to get that out there. 
> 
> Huge thanks to missesbean for the beta and encouragement, this would not have happened without you.
> 
> Title is from "Sinking Ship" by seafret.

 

 

  
  
**_Tyson._ **

  
  


“It’s not  _ that  _ big of a deal.”

 

He untangles an arm from the blanket and gestures with one hand for Nate to keep reading. There’s the telltale ‘ _ tap-tap-tap _ ’ of Nate scrolling down, then-

 

“Okay, so it’s...a little bit of a deal. Not big though. Seriously this is pretty lowkey. I honestly thought you got someone pregnant when you called me over here.” 

 

Tyson lifts his head and glares. Nate is still scrolling through the texts messages on Tysons phone, but more to review the epic stupidity that is Tyson Barrie while drunk.

 

Nate barely glances at him. “No really- this is a small problem. We just tell him- oh.” Mac squints down at the last messages - or more specifically, he swipes left with his thumb to see the timestamps - and then looks at Tys. “You weren’t drunk when you agreed to dinner Friday?”

 

He shakes his head. Nate purses his lips and goes back to staring at the phone.

 

“Well- yeah you’re fucked then.”

 

Tyson buries his face back into his pillow and screams.

 

**\--------------------**

 

Tyson was in the fifth grade when he started to figure out there was more to the realm of sex than girls. 

 

He was in ninth grade when he figured out that  _ he  _ might be attracted to people who weren’t girls. Specifically,  _ boys _ . Specifically boys with soft hair and bright smiles and strong arms who wore sweatshirts a lot. 

 

Specifically Jessie Brants, his longtime best friend who is and who forever shall be, completely, one hundred percent, gay. 

 

It started like most friends do, what with the two of them in the same classes, always sitting next to each other, always doing things together. They lived three blocks from each other, and every afternoon, they were together, doing the random things kids did. Or really - things he thought normal kids did. They played street hockey and rode their bikes and did everything else, but Tyson never knew that other kids - other  _ boys  _ \- didn’t dress up in their older sisters clothes and ran around the room playing house.

 

He still remembers how his mom had shaken with laughter when she found both of them in her bedroom wearing faces full of bad makeup and swimming in one of her dresses. 

 

He still remembers how Jessie’s mom called him a disgrace, how his father’s face was so red and angry when they found out how Jessie like boys. He remembers how Jessie had cried, and how Jessie’s sisters had yelled at his parents, and how scared he was, sitting on the floor of their living room trying to be as small as possible, wondering if he was going to see Mr. Brants hit his only son.

 

He certainly seemed angry enough.

 

Jessie liked to tell him he knew he was gay from the minute he knew you could like another person, and that his parents just couldn’t accept that, and it ‘ _ wasn’t your fault Tyson, c’mon’ _ . But Tyson had been the one to casually talk about Jessie's prospective boyfriend, and his parents had heard, and then the Brants were moving away, and it was Tyson’s fault.

 

One thing that always stuck with Tyson though, was how Jessie had never denied it. Even as his mom basically disowned him, Jessie never apologized for how he was. He was braver than Tyson could probably ever be. During high school - the first two years that they were still in the same state, anyway - Tyson was both jealous of, and in awe of his friend. He’s still not sure if his crush on him was just hero worship, but it didn’t matter. Jessie was always sure about everything he did, and he was certainly sure about the way he felt. 

 

Tyson wasn’t sure about anything. Ever. 

 

Jessie always just  _ knew _ . Right and wrong, he could draw the lines so clearly, so rationally. There was no grey area for Jessie, he didn’t even recognize the color.

 

Tyson pretty much lived in that grey area. He floundered in it, wondering if it was okay to like guys and still want to be with girls, and if he got to play hockey like he wanted to, what was the correct amount of admiration? What still fell under ‘being bros’ and what was too much? Was it too little to stare at his locker or the floor the entire time he changed? Was he just indecisive as hell or was there an actual name for what he was?

 

Naturally, he’d blurted all this out to Jessie soon after he left, and his best friend had laughed so hard he’d started crying.  _ “You’re the great bi disaster.” _ Jessie had giggled. “ _ There’s not much else to it. Congrats. It’s gonna be fun. _ ”

 

And well - yeah. That had about summed it up.

 

**\-------------**

 

Two years ago, Nate had gotten him a big red EASY button that had a thumbs up emoji on it and said  _ ‘Congratulations! You’re an idiot! _ ’ in a nice chipper voice when pressed. He’d joked about throwing it away but sometimes he’d do something and then smack that thing just to hear something other than the voice in his head tell him he fucked up.

 

He was drunk when Jessie had texted him. He didn’t  _ mean  _ to get drunk, per se, but they’d  _ won _ and it felt so incredible, after all those losses in a row. And then there were shots (which he avoided at first because gross) and mixed drinks, and some more shots, and he normally hates hard liquor, despises it really because you might as well drink gasoline, but he was happy and they were free and the team was-

 

The team was systematically getting him drunk. Honestly, this is all their fault. 

 

Anyway, that’s gonna be his excuse when this all goes to shit.

 

Jessie had moved out of his house the second he turned 18. Moved in with his sister, worked three jobs, and four years later had enough to go to college. Now he’s in his junior year, and he wants to go to grad school - so naturally, the little shit decided to look at school in Denver. 

 

Basically, the conversation had gone like this: Jessie texts Tyson a fifteen page paper with a thesis statement, cover letter, and separate document for sources about why he’s going to be in Denver and why he needs to see Tyson and how Tyson needs to meet his boyfriend and shouldn’t they just double date? And Jessie, not knowing that Tyson is drunk, but knowing he’s easily persuadable by food and the promise of his best friends company, goes on and on about his boyfriend and ribs him for not having a significant other and Tyson - very  _ very  _ drunk Tyson - feels like he’s somehow letting his friend down by not having a boyfriend, and really wants to not be a third wheel here, and the team  _ let him have his phone, _ so he responded with yes, they can meet up for a double date.

 

So again - it’s all the team's fault. Extra blame on Gabe and Mikko for taking him home and pouring him into bed and plugging in his phone but not turning it off, so the next morning when Jessie texted him if Friday was okay to make reservations, Tyson just slapped his hand around his nightstand and texted ‘ _ yeah, sure _ ’ without a second thought.

 

And then it all registered, what exactly he did, and then he realized he couldn’t get out it, and then he called Nate (who found him still in bed with a pounding headache and greatest amount of self-pity he could muster up) and  _ now  _ Jessie's been texting him almost nonstop asking about his fake boyfriend. 

 

What’s worse too, is that he can tell how excited Jessie is for this. If Jess knew that Tyson lied to him, he’d be heartbroken.

 

He says as much to Nate when he suggests coming clean. 

 

Combine that disaster with the amount of alcohol he consumed last night, and it makes for an absolutely horrendous practice. Coach must be able to tell because he’s running the groggy team through a rather spectacular set of hard drills. It’s good, in that it lets him focus on something else. Bad, because he’s got no breath to talk to anyone else about it.

 

“The date is friday right?” Nate asks when it’s finally over. Tyson nods, still trying to inhale fully. He’s pretty sure he can’t feel his legs. “That’s not that bad. We just have to find you a boyfriend before then.” 

 

Tyson tilts his head and looks at him flatly. “The team has been trying to set me up for the last  _ two years _ .”

 

Nate makes a face, then nods. “Yeah, you’re fucked.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“You are  _ so  _ welcome my friend,” Nate says, a blinding grin on his face and fake sincerity. “Honestly though, you could just...ask one of the guys. They’d chirp you into an early grave, but they wouldn’t leave you out to dry. Just explain what’s going on and one of them will help you. It’s a free meal and a chance to embarrass you. You would have them fighting over you.”

 

He raises an eyebrow at his friend. “They’d make a fucking competition out of it. I’d have boyfriend tryouts, you understand this right? No chance I tell them.”

 

“Well, either you find a random guy on the street, hope he doesn’t know about hockey and is at least a little bit okay with dating a guy, then convince him to go out with you just that one time, or you tell Jessie-”

 

“Not happening Nate.”

 

“To which one? Because at this point the first option is looking pretty viable-”

 

Tyson rolls his eyes and goes to skate off the rink. “Fuck  _ right off _ .” He hisses. Nate just smiles at him and waggles his eyebrows. “Why am I friends with you again?”

 

“Because you flirted with me until you realized I was straight and I haven’t been able to get rid of you since. Also, someone has to listen to your shit or you’ll explode, so the team appointed me.”

 

It honestly pains Tyson that he can’t even respond to that properly. It’s too damn accurate.

 

**\-----------------**

 

In his fine and humble opinion, the universe has owed him one for a long time. So when his chiseled Swedish model of a captain is tumbling into his arms when they’re the only ones in the hallway, he takes it as the universe gives it.

 

“Do you know how to tie your shoes?” He jokes, righting Landy before looking down and- “Dude you don’t even have laces to tie and you still tripped.” 

 

Gabe just laughs, but it sounds sort of weird. His cheeks are pink, but he was coming from the direction of the showers. That explains the slides too. 

 

It doesn’t explain Landy just trying to slip past him without another word, but oh no, Tyson isn’t letting this one go. The idea pops in his head, and without a second thought he reaches out to snag Gabe’s sleeve, making him turn. He grins, ignoring Landy’s wide eyes. 

 

This is  _ perfect _ .

 

“Hey, uh-” This going to solve everything. “Go on a date with me?”

 

Gabe stares at him, his mouth open slightly in shock. “What?” 

 

Tyson tilts his head. The word sounded more like a croak, Landy’s voice raspy and broken. “Yeah um- if you want? This Friday. With me.” 

 

He rolls his eyes at himself after he stops rambling. Why is he so nervous? It’s not like this is a real thing.

 

He’s about to apologize and try to explain when Landy makes a noise that can only be described as a squeak. “Really?” Tyson raises an eyebrow, and Gabe clears his throat. When he talks again it’s more normal, even if still a bit higher than usual. “I mean, uh, yeah. Yes. I would- yes. That’d be great.”

 

Tyson smiles wide, nearly bouncing on his feet. “Great! I’ll text you the details.” 

 

Landy smiles back, and he looks sort of dazed, so Tys punches him shoulder and chirps him about his shoes and turns to hurry towards the gym, because he really does need to get a work out in.

 

This is  _ perfection _ . Literally just solved all his problems right there. Landy will look like some Norse god and the place they’re going to is super fancy and so they’ll both be in suits and Gabe can definitely play it up when he wants to so Jessie will never know that they aren’t really dating. He’ll wait a few weeks then tell Jessie they broke up and they’ll never have to talk about it again.

 

He just about gives himself a high five for how well that all went. Normally the only time he thinks that fast is on the ice, and it almost never works as well as that. He’s a little surprised that Landesnerd didn’t instantly start asking a million questions, but then again it’s Gabe.

 

He was just being the incredible captain he is.

 

**\----------------**

 

He doesn’t hear about it again until the day before when Nate corners him in the small eating area of the Avs facility.

 

“You asked  _ Landy _ ?!”

 

Tyson looks up from his bowl of noodles. “Yes?”

 

Nate looks at him with wide eyes and a weird expression on his face. Tyson tilts his head to the side, a little confused. “You said to ask someone! I asked. He said yes.”

 

“I told you to tell someone about it and then ask them to  _ help you out _ . Not go up to our captain and ask him on a date.” Nate hisses, and Tyson doesn’t get why he seems so agitated. 

 

He spoons some more noodles into his mouth, trying to catch them before they slip back into the bowl. “Don’t see what the big deal. He’s helping me out, I’m paying for dinner, he gets to look all pretty and talk about Sweden. That’s like his favorite thing, Nate. Should’ve seen how excited he was when I asked him.”

 

Mac only looks more stricken at that, and Tyson’s...pretty lost at this point. 

 

“You shouldn’t have done that Tys,” Nate whispers, like half the team doesn’t already know about Tyson’s and Gabe’s fake date. He’s pretty sure Gabe instantly went to tell EJ about it, so it’s definitely making the rounds. 

 

Regardless, the words sort of rub Tyson the wrong way. He straightens in his chair. “What do you think I’m going to do to him? This won’t come back at either of us, I know the restaurant and where we’re sitting, no one will see us. Besides, we can play it off as friends to the media if we need to.” He narrows his eyes. “I wouldn’t do that to him.”

 

Nate sits back in the chair and stares at him. His face is some mix of devastation and fear, which,  _ what the fuck _ . “No, you wouldn’t.” He mutters vacantly, and before Tyson can question him further he’s disappeared after shoving his chair back rather aggressively.

 

Tyson just shrugs and goes back to his soup.

 

**\-------------------**

 

_ ‘Are you ready yet? _ ’ 

 

Tyson’s phone vibrates almost immediately.

 

‘ _ How fancy are we talking?’ _

 

Tyson stares incredulously down at his phone, then at the door in front of him.

 

_ ‘It’s the sushi place downtown.’  _ He types back. The little text bubbles pop up and go away six times before he finally gets a text back.

 

_ ‘The one with the all the little bamboo thingies that have sushi on them that go on the moving belt around the place?’ _

 

_ ‘Ya’  _ He stares at his phone. They’re gonna be  _ late _ , and Tyson is going to have to explain that it’s because Landy left him standing outside his door while he got dressed. This is ridiculous, they’re seriously texting each other while being within five feet of-

 

“Okay, I’m ready.” Gabe’s voice is bright and loud as he swings open the door.

 

Whatever snappy response Tyson had dries up in his mouth.

 

_ ‘Oh’, _ he thinks.  _ ‘He’s- oh.’ _

 

That’s- that’s definitely appropriate attire. That’s- well that’s-

 

“Tys?” 

 

Tyson feels his face color as he drags his eyes upwards, trying to remember what exactly he was thinking about before Gabe stepped out looking like  _ that _ . Gabe tilts his head to the side, brow furrowed in confusion. He looks down at his suit. “Is this not enough? I didn’t want to wear my purple one, because I-”

 

“It’s fine,” Tyson blinks rapidly and shakes his head. “I mean- it’s perfect. You’re perfect.” It’s hard to speak over the fluttery feeling in his stomach. 

 

He points in the direction of his car and wonders how the hell he’s going to get through the next three hours without putting his foot in his mouth. It’s gonna be pretty hard when Landy keeps looking at him like that.

 

“Tyson?”

 

He shakes his head, blinking a few times. “Huh?” 

 

Gabe smiles at him and  _ god fucking damn it _ , he needs to  _ stop doing _ that. “I said you looked nice. And that we’re gonna be late.”

 

Tyson’s sure he does something interesting with his mouth as he tries to think of a response. Eventually, he just makes noise and turns on a heel to lead the way. 

 

So this shouldn’t really be a problem. He’s seen Landy in a suit before. He’s seen him in lots of suits before. He’s even seen him in  _ this  _ suit before. The black three-piece with the black silk lapels and the pattern on the jacket and the solid black waistcoat and his gaudy silver and black watch and the cufflinks that have the Avs symbol on them. They match his red tie and it should be stupid, it should look- not that good, or something because if Tyson tried that look he’d look stupid, but when Landy does it, he looks like a fucking model.

 

It’s not like Tyson isn’t in his best, either, but he knows where he stands. Landy is...Landy. Unfairly good looks are his brand.

 

(He’s fucking gorgeous and it’s unfair. Moving on.)

 

The second part of his defense, as he presents it to himself on the ride over, is that it’s not like he’s ever seen Gabe wear a suit  _ for him _ before. That definitely helps to justify his reaction. 

 

Right? It has to. It  _ has too _ , because this is feeling way too much like a real date to Tyson, and that’s not good. He’s been down that road, and shut himself down the second he thought it. There’s no crushing on teammates. Gabe is very clearly straight, and even if he wasn’t he sure as shit wouldn’t be falling for Tyson.

 

He only dressed up for the restaurant. This place is insanely high scale. He’s honestly surprised Jessie got reservations there, but then again Tyson had drunkenly offered to pay, and the smartass wanted to see how far he could run the bill.

 

Whatever. It’s not like he can’t afford it. 

 

“So who are we meeting again?” 

 

Tyson jolts out of his thoughts and nearly misses the turn. “Oh, um- just my friend. An old friend. And his, uh, boyfriend.” 

 

He glances over at Gabe, trying to gauge a reaction. He’d told Gabe about Jessie, but not about him being gay. 

 

Landy just looks thoughtful. “You’re taking me on a double date to a high-end restaurant to meet your longtime friend?” He turns a grin onto Tyson, who nearly swerves to keep the car on the road. He’s never had to deal with being on the receiving end of that smile. It’s deadly.  “Why Tbear, if I didn’t know any better…”

 

“You don’t,” Tyson snaps, then sighs, flicking on his blinker. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I just really want this to go well, you know?”

 

Gabe’s smile is soft this time, and he grabs the hand Tyson left on the gear stick. “I get it. It’ll be fine.” 

 

He leaves their hands twined together for the rest of the drive. Tysons heart if going a nice, steady million miles per hour, and he’s got to keep his eyes glued to the road, because if he looks at Gabe, he finds it way too hard to return focus to driving, and he doesn’t want to kill them. 

 

It’s fine, it’s fine. Everything's fine. He can just pretend that this isn’t awakening every suppressed feeling towards his captain and the whole ‘ _ I can’t keep my eyes off you _ ’ thing will work in his favor. Really sell the whole couple thing.

 

He’s so fucked.

 

**\---------**

 

It doesn’t go as bad as he imagined. 

 

It goes so well, in fact, that suspicion doesn’t start to settle in until they’re at dessert.

 

Sitting across from Jessie feels the same as it did when they were kids. It’s comforting, knowing that some things don’t change just because there’s distance. Jess’s boyfriend’s name is Alex, and he's short and thin and wears plain black glasses that match his dark hair and create this whole high-end nerd look that Tyson knows is exactly Jessie’s type. He’s smart, but he’s also funny, and the introductions aren’t nearly as awkward as he planned. He never has to introduce Gabe as his boyfriend (never has to use that word explicitly) and the small talk only lasts until a waiter arrives to take drink orders.

 

Then Jessie and Gabe discover each other’s mutual love of chirping Tyson, and it goes from there.

 

(He  _ doesn’t like wine _ , okay? Fight him.)

 

The whole affair is a happy one. They have a semi-private table and the lights are low and the alcohol selection is enough that he doesn’t to stick with one drink. Stories are told from both couples, Tyson and Jessie each trying to outdo each other with embarrassing events from high school. What makes it even better, is how Gabe and Alex join in, much to the dismay of their dates.

 

There are things though, that make Tyson hurt.

 

They aren’t bad things, of course. No, it would be much, much easier to justify the pain in his chest if it were passive aggressive comments or mean-spirited stories that he had to deal with. 

 

Instead, it’s small things that make his breath catch. Tiny flashes of memory that he knows he’ll never forget, not as long as he lives. Not just from the way they made him feel, but also from how special they are.

 

They’re all Gabe. 

 

Gabe with his mouth full of some weird sushi, making a face at the taste. Gabe with his tongue poked out of his mouth as he tries to steal pieces from Tysons plate. Gabe with pink cheeks and his head thrown back as he laughs. 

 

Gabe looking at him with bright eyes that hold so much warmth, so much emotion, all focused on Tyson.

 

It’s a lot. 

 

He gets suspicious about three bites into an absolutely incredible chocolate lava cake, and it’s because he and Gabe haven’t had to talk about their relationship.

 

Like. At all.

 

Jessie is a nosy mother fucker. He would not make them go on a double date and then  _ not  _ ask a million questions. Plus, Gabe hasn’t slipped up once, not dropping a single hint about them never having dated before this.

 

Take all of that, and add how easy it was to get Gabe as a date in the first place, and he’s sure that the universe is very gleefully dangling the other shoe by just the laces, waiting for the perfect time to drop it.

 

Nothing goes this well for Tyson.  _ Ever _ .

 

Then Gabe leans back and puts his arm over the back of Tysons chair, his fingers brushing Tysons arm with just enough pressure to bring him back to the conversation.

 

He steals the whipped cream off of Gabe’s strawberry shortcake and decides to push the worry back for a while. He should get to enjoy this, at least. It’s not like it’s ever going to happen again. If only for one night he gets to pretend he’s lucky enough to land someone as good as Landy, then he can be happy with that.

 

He...he  _ will  _ be happy with that. It’s all he’s ever going to get.

 

**\---------------**

 

Tyson Barrie’s life is a _ fucking joke _ .

 

“Why,  _ why- _ ”

 

“ _ Alex bought a jersey and he wants Gabe to sign it! Besides he wants to hear more about me being an idiot apparently.” _ There’s some faint yelling in the background, that sounds like Alex vehemently agreeing. Or disagreeing. Something is said, but Tyson is to busy trying to resist the urge to bash his head against a wall. 

 

“Oh yeah, it’s definitely all about what  _ Alex _ wants.” He snarks, eyes darting around the empty hallway. The guys are milling around, an optional skate bringing in familiar faces. 

 

_ “It is _ !” Jessie laughs, sounding entirely too happy about the whole thing. “ _ It’s all Alex. I certainly don’t need an excuse to stare at the fine hunk of Swede you have attached to you _ .”

 

“You’re horrible and I hate you.”

 

“ _ I love you too Tboobs _ .”

 

“Jesus Christ.” Tyson groans. “First of all, the two of you can’t become friends. The world cannot handle that.  _ I  _ cannot handle that. If you two start actually talking, I’m moving to Tibet. You will never see me again.”

 

_ “You wish. _ ”

 

“Second, you want a second date because you want to hit on my captain. You remember you have a boyfriend right?”

 

There’s a small conversation happening away from the phone, then he hears a faint ‘ _ Oh honey, I enjoy looking at him too. Don’t think this is just for J’s benefit _ .’ that’s Alex, because Jessie is laughing too hard.

 

He hangs up. Less than ten seconds he gets a text.

 

‘ _ It’s happening. When don’t you have hockey shit to do?’ -J _

 

_ ‘Never. I’m always doing hockey shit.’ -T _

 

_ ‘No game Wednesday and you’re not traveling.’ - J _

 

_ ‘No.’ -T _

 

_ ‘We’re getting bbq. Wear a bib.’ - J _

 

_ ‘Promise not to flirt with him please I beg you.’ - T _

 

_ ‘No promises ;)’ - J _

 

“Damn it.” He mutters, staring at his phone.

 

“You good?”

 

“Would you-  _ stop doing that _ .” Tyson snaps. 

 

Landy smiles and it almost looks  _ shy _ . 

 

“This is the first time I’ve…”

 

“Don’t make it a habit.” Tyson huffs, forcefully telling his heart to calm its shit.

 

It doesn’t. And it probably has to do with Gabe standing there in a sweatshirt and spandex and hair flopping everywhere, not the fact that he startled him.

 

“So, about- um, about Friday,” Landy starts, then stops and drops his eyes to the floor. His hands are looking for something to do, and he- is he  _ nervous? _

 

“Friday? Friday. Right. I never texted you. Shit.” They’d parted ways at Gabe’s door, Tyson just loose enough from the alcohol to give him a tight hug. In a rare performance for both of them, Landy had returned the gesture, and it was somehow the least awkward thing he’d ever done. He’d promised to text Gabe when he got home.

 

“I mean- I thought, I had a good time, and but since you never-”

 

“Wednesday,” He cuts Gabe off again, this time with a blank and bored sounding realization. 

 

One day. One day he will have a normal conversation with somebody. He doesn’t know who, or when, but statistically speaking, he’s gotta hope it will happen.

 

“Wednesday...works,” Gabe says slowly, expression confused but edging on happiness.

 

“Jessie and Alex are gonna be there again,” He explains, hoping this isn’t a deal breaker. He supposed he could think of a decent excuse to explain Gabe’s absence now that Jessie’s met him, but that would only defeat the (apparent) purpose of the whole date and then he’d reschedule and they’d have to do this  _ again _ .

 

Landy actually brightens at that, which- the idea of Gabe meeting and liking his friends does makes Tyson a lot happier than it should.

 

“Will you actually text me the details this time?” Tyson rolls his eyes and bumps his shoulder against Gabe’s, who starts to follow him back towards the locker rooms.

 

“Only if you don’t leave me standing outside your door for twenty minutes when I get there.” 

 

“I was getting dressed! I couldn’t  _ rush  _ that, are you kidding?”

 

He laughs. Landy actually sounds affronted by the idea of it, “You were staring at yourself in a mirror, don’t lie.”

 

“Staring  _ and  _ fixing my hair.”

 

“Oh my god, Landy.”

 

“You said not to lie!”

 

**\---------**

 

The second date goes as well as the first. 

 

There’s just something so inherently natural about it. It’s not like Tyson tries really, because he mostly forgets that he’s supposed to be dating Gabe, but it’s fine. They just...click. 

 

It’s just Jessie and Alex plus Gabe and Tyson, and it works. He can’t remember having so much fun outside of hockey. 

 

Not for a long time, at least. 

 

So the second date is a grand slam. Jessie ends up staying up longer than normal, and they end up breaking their diet plans more often than normal, but it’s perfect. It’s what he wants. It’s the best he’s going to get. 

 

They haven’t hung out that much, yet he’s dreading having to tell Jess that he and Gabe ‘broke up.’ Gabe is going to get tired of doing this eventually (tired of pretending to like Tyson, tired of faking it for two people he doesn’t know, tired of risking everything by being out in public with what is and looks like a date) and then Tyson is going to have to make a fake story, and never talk about Landy again.

 

It doesn’t happen though. 

 

The second date goes as well as first.

 

So does the third. And the forth, and the fifth.

 

He’s sure the sixth would’ve gone well too, but he’s never gonna find out because if he doesn’t toss himself off the top of a tall building, he’s sure the team is going to.

 

“What do you mean, ‘ _ what do you mean _ ’?! I asked him on a date, Nate, he said yes. How does-”

 

“Do you even hear yourself?!” He flinches at the volume of Nate's voice. “You  _ asked him on a date _ . Did you  _ ever  _ explain to him it was fake?!”

 

Metaphorically, this would be the other shoe making its appearance. 

 

And as it turns out, it’s a pretty spectacular fall and landing.

 

He didn’t have time to ask EJ what the nasty text on his phone meant, because the second he got to the arena Nate was dragging him into the nearest empty room and dropping  _ this  _ on him.

 

Nate is livid. 

 

Tyson is terrified.

 

“No, but I- I- he knew, he  _ knew _ , I’m sure he knew. He wouldn’t have said yes otherwise.”

 

Nate takes two big steps towards Tyson, and Tyson is frozen in shock, otherwise, he’s sure he would’ve backed up. The equipment room isn’t that big.  “He said yes because he  _ likes you _ , you fucking idiot.” 

 

Tyson shakes his head. His heart is in his throat, thumping painfully while his hands tremble. “He doesn’t-”

 

“He does, you  _ fucking asshole _ . He thinks all this is real.”

 

“No, no-” Tyson shakes his head. That can’t be true. That- he’s sure he told Gabe. Gabe knows, he has to know, because if he really doesn’t then Tyson-

 

Tyson’s been leading him on for the last month and a half. Tyson’s been the worst possible friend and the shittiest person and he- he- he was sure Gabe knew, he had to have  _ known _ .

 

He’s breathing so fast and the room is so hot and he knows he’s maybe a step away from a panic attack but he can’t- he couldn’t have done this, he  _ wouldn’t  _ do this, not to Gabe, not to anyone.

 

“Tys you have to tell him.”

 

“ _ What?!” _ He rounds on Nate. “I can’t fucking tell him!” 

 

_ ‘It would kill him, he’d hate me, I’d be traded, it would all be my fault- _ ’

 

“Why the  _ fuck _ not?!” Nate is almost screaming in anger. He doesn’t blame him. Honestly, he deserves a lot more. “I think he’d like to know that it hasn’t been real!”

 

“Oh, and what the fuck do I say huh?! ‘Hey, I forgot to tell you that we weren’t actually dating, sorry if you’ve spent the last six weeks thinking I actually liked you’?! How is that-”

 

“Tyson.” Nates face has morphed from anger into one of horror, but Tyson is too worked up to stop.

 

“-going to-”

 

“ _ Tyson _ !”

 

“What!” He snarls, caught between panic and anger. When Nate doesn’t say anything, Tyson whirls around to see what he’s looking at. 

 

And there, standing in the open doorway of the equipment room, is Gabe.

  
**\----------------------------------------------------------------///////-------------------------------------------------------**

 

**_Landy_ ** .

  
  


When was Gabe was five, he had his first panic attack.

 

He remembers how scared he was, not understanding why his chest felt so tight or why the ground was tilting under his skates. 

 

He remembers his mom picking him up off the bench of the tiny outdoor rink and walking with him while his teammates played on. 

 

He remembers wrapping his little arms around her neck and clinging to her, crying into her shoulder while she’d coached him through breathing with soft Swedish words.

 

“ _ In for six, hold for two, out for four. You’re alright sweetheart, you can do it. In for six, hold for two…” _

 

“...out for four.” He mumbles to himself. “In for six, hold for two-”

 

His breath catches, stuck in his throat as he slams his palms into the door to the parking garage. He lost count. “In for six, hold for two, out for four.”

 

‘... _ we weren’t actually dating... _ ’

 

The keys shake in his hands, he fumbles with the remote to unlock his car. 

 

He doesn’t care that his bag is still in the locker room. He doesn’t care that his clothes are there, he doesn’t care that he’s only wearing slides, he doesn’t care that his phone is sitting in his coat jacket. He doesn’t care.

 

“I-in for six…”

 

_ ‘Sorry if you’ve spent the last six weeks thinking I actually liked you. _ ’

 

“H-hold for- hold-” It doesn’t help. It hasn’t helped. He’s been on the edge of this since he first walked in this   EJ said they needed to talk since he had the inkling that maybe the best thing he had going for him wasn’t real.

 

It _wasn’t_ _real_.

 

He breaks off with a sob, dropping his head to this steering wheel. 

 

‘ _ Sorry if you spent the last six weeks-’ _

 

Every date, every smile and every laugh and every stupid, stupid moment of happiness...

 

‘ _ -thinking I actually liked you _ .’

 

...was a  _ lie _ .

 

A fucking  _ joke _ .

 

EJ had texted him last night. They’d talked, and since Gabe was still riding high on the shock of being asked out by Tys, he’d ended up gushing about their last date. Then his friend had stopped responding, and this morning he’d woken up with a  _ ‘we need to talk, come to opt today _ ’.

 

He never got to talk to EJ, but he thinks he might know what he was gonna say.

 

It was always sort of awkward talking about dating in the locker room because most often it required hockey players to openly acknowledge, consider, and discuss those nasty things called feelings. But apparently, the captain and an A dating were enough to overcome the team's aversion to that.

 

They’d asked- he thinks it was Willy, who started it, and they’d laughed and laughed and said things like ‘ _ how is Tyson as a pretend boyfriend? _ ’ and ‘ _ i can’t believe you’re still sane, having to pretend that many times _ ’ and  _ ‘can’t believe he’s still making you fake it for him’. _

 

He didn’t- he didn’t believe them. He didn’t understand them, at first, because what do they mean ‘ _ fake it’ _ . What do they mean- ‘ _ pretend’ _ ?

 

“ _ It’s a joke, Landy, Tyson doesn’t actually- _ ” 

 

He’d gone to find Tys before Z   Z, he’s- he’s wrong, they were all wrong, of course, it was real, what-

 

EJ wasn’t there for that locker room conversation. But Gabe can only assume, after hearing Nate yelling, and then standing there while Tyson said-

 

His hands are shaking as he starts the car.

 

“In for six, hold for two.” He mumbles, chest tight and achy, light headed and weak, but in control. “Out for four.”

 

**…….**

 

Home is not good. 

 

Home is worse, somehow. 

 

It’s not like he and Tyson ever  _ did  _ anything (and now he knows why). But home is- it’s every time Tyson didn’t come in, and it’s every time he smiled at him before he left, and it’s every hug that left Gabe floating as he went to went bed.

 

He’s sure the arena is probably worse. He was right to leave, but maybe he shouldn’t have driven home, seeing how he was crying so hard he could barely see.

 

Home is worse than the car, but better the arena, because while the arena is Tyson and the team, home is  _ empty, _ and reminds him of how happy was to finally hope that it no longer would be. 

 

If he wants to think about it (and he doesn’t) there’s two reasons that this has him curled into a ball on the floor of his bathroom sobbing so hard he’s scared he might throw up.

 

The first is rather obvious.

 

He trusted Tyson. 

 

It’s sort of a lot to unpack, the type of betrayal he’s feeling. He was friends with Tyson. He’s had a major crush on Tyson for two years now. He thought he was a good person.

 

Thought he was better than- than playing with Gabe’s heart like that, all for some- some  _ dumb joke _ .

 

Landy knew he was being too obvious. He knew Tyson knew. He knew everyone knew. But he thought if he ever made anyone uncomfortable, then…

 

He would’ve thought Tyson would’ve just told him to stop. And Gabe could’ve been more careful, he could’ve. He wants the C, he’s proud of it and he’s proud of his team. He wouldn’t lose it over something dumb like a crush he can’t act on.

 

It’s just- Tyson was so,  _ so _ easy for Gabe to love, and so,  _ so _ hard for Gabe to move on from. He couldn’t help how his heart speed up when Tys smiled, or how his stomach did gymnastic routines when he laughed. He couldn’t stop the joy from blooming in his chest when he heard Tyson singing, or the fiery surge of protectiveness when he saw someone land a check on that number four. And when Tys would fall asleep on his shoulder on the plane or the bus, he didn’t know how he was supposed to feel anything but unending affection for the defenseman.

 

So having that. Having all of that, and thinking, hoping,  _ believing  _ that Tyson felt it back.

 

And having it...taken away.

 

_ ‘Sorry you thought I actually liked you.’ _

 

To have it taken away, and to have it taken from him with such a cruel explanation.

 

He never liked Gabe. This was all a fucking game, and he bought it. Gabe actually thought that Tyson might’ve- might’ve-

 

The sob that tears from his throat rocks his entire body, diaphragm spasming in some effort to get air into his lungs.

 

There is the other side. The other reason, the thing that makes this oh so much worse, is that he didn’t just trust  _ Tyson _ , he trusted the  _ team _ .

 

And they did the same god damn thing.

 

Mikko and Willy and JT and Kerf and Z and  _ everyone _ , everyone there  _ knew _ .

 

They knew, and they found it fucking hilarious. It must’ve been, seeing him walk around like Tyson actually liked back.

 

So he doesn’t just lose one of his best friends, he also lost the respect of his team. But then that must’ve happened a while ago if they were at this point.

 

It’s not just the pain of being lied to. He’s  _ humiliated _ . The team knows that he’s into guys, knows he’s into Tyson, and they all decided to- to-

 

The lights in the bathroom are so, so bright, and Gabe is so tired. He doesn’t think he falls asleep- doesn’t understand how he could, but after he thinks his way through why it feels like his world is shattering, he tries to work himself out of the panic attack he’s in. 

 

And then he’s peeling his eyes open, body aching from staying curled on a tile floor. His chest is still achy, tight like it is after pushing too hard for too long, and his arm is numb from laying on it for so long. His breathing is a lot more even then he last remembers. 

 

It takes him a little while to realize the pounding he hears isn’t just in his head, and by the time he registers that the aggressive knocking needs to be addressed, the sound has stopped and been replaced by hurried footsteps that stop right outside the bathroom door.

 

There’s a sigh, and a swear, then a familiar voice is grumbling down at him, “Fucking hell Landy.” 

 

“How’d you get in?” He croaks, wincing at the pain in his throat. EJ grabs his arm and helps him sit up, then gives him an eyebrow.

 

“Key.”

 

“You don’t have a key.”

 

“I know where you keep the spare.” EJ isn’t snippy about it. In fact, he sounds like he’s barely paying attention to the words, instead, he is more focused on looking over Gabe with a critical eye.

 

“Why are you-”

 

“Did you take anything?” Erik cuts him off. Gabe jolts backward but is ultimately too tired to really get angry at the question.

 

He shakes his head with a quiet “No.” 

 

“Anything Gabe, I need to know-”

 

“ _ No _ , EJ, I’m not an idiot.”  He snaps, then sort of deflates. “Well- I guess I am, just not about that.”

 

EJ’s face does something interesting, but he doesn’t say anything. For a few seconds, Gabe considers EJ knowing, but...no. That doesn’t make sense. EJ can’t keep a secret to save his life, and besides, he wouldn’t do that to Gabe.

 

Gabe clings to that knowledge, because if he’s wrong about that too, then he’s got nothing, and he’s got no one. 

 

EJ gets him up, stands close when his legs don’t want to hold him, and drags him to his bed.

 

He drops Landy’s phone onto the nightstand, then very pointedly plugs it in. When he speaks, it’s probably the most serious he’s ever heard EJ sound.

 

“Don’t  _ ever  _ do that again. I don’t care what you’re thinking, or what happened, but don’t ever just disappear without your phone.”

 

“I-”

 

“ _ No _ , Gabe. You don’t know- you’ve got no idea what sort of panic this put the team in.”

 

“Oh, they care now? How  _ fucking chivalrous  _ of them,” He snarls.

 

EJ’s hands freeze.

 

“Gabe they didn’t-” He sighs and shakes his head. “I’ll talk to you later alright? Not- not right now.”

 

“Why not now? It’s not like it’s going to be any better tomorrow-”

 

“Because you don’t know  _ everything _ , Gabe, and neither do I.” 

 

He stares at EJ. For the first time since this all happened, he feels the stirrings of anger in his gut. 

 

EJ doesn’t really say anything else, just squeezes his shoulder and tells him to keep his phone on.

 

He does. A large part of him wants to throw the little device at the wall and watch it shatter, especially when it starts vibrating almost continuously with notifications, but he doesn’t. He stares at it, watching the names of his teammates light up the screen with texts. 

 

It should renew the pain, bring everything back around with a fresh sort of sting because this is all new. It’s barely been a few hours since he left. 

 

He’s numb with it. 

 

(There’s a little voice in the back of his head that’s saying ‘ _ they wouldn’t do this,  _ Tyson  _ wouldn’t do this, something is wrong’ _ . He wants to listen to it, but it- he- he can’t. Not when he heard those words come directly out of Tyson’s mouth.)

 

They have practice tomorrow, then a game the next day, and the sheer thought of having to face them knowing they were laughing while he was running around believing Tyson could actually like him makes him want to puke. And maybe he can get through that, maybe he’ll be able to get through the two hours of close contact with a group of guys he trusted, but then-

 

Then he’s going to have to do it again. And again, and again, and  _ again _ , nearly every day for the rest of the season, for more seasons after that and he doesn’t think he wants to play with a team who doesn’t respect him.

 

Picking up his phone, Landy scrolls through the flood of texts to find the last chat he had with his agent. 

 

**……**

 

Acknowledging that he’s exhausted, hasn’t eaten, and barely slept between tossing and turning in fits of nightmarish dozing, practice isn’t actually as horrendous as he expects it to be.

 

There’s no sudden change in everyone's personality like his brain was predicting. The team doesn’t suddenly seem to hate him. Not outwardly anyway. It’s not like the first time he came out when all the boys who were friends with him suddenly weren’t, and he was unwelcome in any space near them.

 

So there is that. There’s also the fresh light of a new day, where the shock and hurt and feelings of betrayal have- not subsided, but settled. Still there, but not so he can’t think past them.

 

The little voice in his head from the night before seems to be more realistic now. 

 

He wants to trust the team. He wants to say he knows these guys, and he knows they wouldn’t pull this sort of shit on him. He wants to believe something else was going on. 

 

But he can’t pretend like they didn’t know it was they so obviously did. So he- he wants to look at them normally, but he can’t.

 

He can’t, because every time he does, he thinks of how they laughed, how they talked about it like it was nothing, how they shrugged it off like it wasn’t Gabe's heart that was getting crushed.

 

He looks at them, and every time he does, he sees a ghost. He sees the person he thought he knew, hanging over a strangers shoulder. 

 

Maybe there was something else going on. He doesn’t know what it could be, but if there was, it doesn’t really matter. He no longer trusts them.

 

And then there’s Tyson.

 

There are very few people Gabe is open to conversing with during practice. EJ is one of them. The coaching staff makes up the others.

 

If Tyson sends him one more fucking look, he’s going to start screaming.

 

Okay, so it’s rather obvious that something happened. The team was worried yesterday (according to EJ) when Gabe took off, but they also, apparently, do not know what happened or why he left.

 

So they keep coming over to him, wearing concern and curiosity on their faces. 

 

Gabe doesn’t want to talk. What is he supposed to tell them? Why do they even  _ ask _ ? 

 

The ones who actually get words out of him leave with looks of shock and an ever-mounting quantity of worry. 

 

Whatever. They can keep sending him looks and talking amongst themselves, and Gabe can keep trying to keep himself from flinching whenever Tyson looks at him.

 

See, the others - Z and JT and Kerf and Mikko and -  the others, Gabe could maybe say that they didn’t realize or something, that Tyson told Nate who told them or whatever.

 

Maybe they really thought it was just a joke. Maybe they all collectively ignored how Gabe might feel being tricked into something like that.

 

But Tyson knew. 

 

Tyson knew because this was all on him. From the very beginning, it was all him. He asked Gabe out, he asked him to meet his friends, he asked him to fancy places and to casual places, and he smiled and laughed and looked so, so happy that Gabe was there with him.  _ He  _ did all of this. 

 

Even if the team knew about it, they were not, specifically, the ones who went through with it.

 

He can’t excuse that. He can’t even  _ think  _ of a way to excuse that.

 

(He wants too, is the thing. By god, there is nothing he wants more than to find an excuse for this so that Tyson isn’t the one to hurt him this way.)

 

(He can’t.)

 

**……**

EJ is possibly the only person that Landy trusts at the moment.

 

Not just because he thinks EJ was going to tell him (therefore implying that EJ wasn’t in on whatever happened), but also because out of everyone on the team, he’s the only one acting like Gabe expects him too. Displaying normal behavior for having a cruel joke played on a best friend, including but not limited too, glaring at anyone and everyone who comes within five feet of Landy’s stall, looking like he’s plotting the death of Barrie, and generally being angry on the behalf of a Gabe. 

 

The locker room is subdued, as it seems everyone has caught onto Gabe’s lack of normal captainy-ness.

 

Or they have eyes and can see the black cloud hanging over his head. 

 

Coach talks to them, reminding him yet again that they have a game tomorrow, where he has to focus and play a lot harder than he did during practice. 

 

He doesn’t want to think about it. It’s one of the few times since hitting the majors that he’s ever  _ not  _ wanted to play. 

 

Then Bednar pulls him aside, and oh  _ great _ , they’re gonna have a talk.

 

EJ waits for him, expression stormy when Gabe stalks back into the locker room.

 

“That wasn’t what I think it was about, was it?”

 

Landy starts shoving his things into his bag.

 

“Depends.”

 

“On?

 

“What did you thought it was about?”

 

EJ knows him way too well. He might as well have stood in the hallway while he and coach talked. 

  
  


_ “Want to explain to me why management has told me you’ve requested a trade?” _

 

_ “Not really.” _

  
  


He stands up, staring at Gabe with some mix of anger and worry. “ _ Gabe _ .”

 

He hates when EJ uses that tone. It’s the same one he gets when he’s trying to play injured, or when he gets too far in his head, or when EJ gets so worried about him he actually shows it.

 

“Tell me you didn’t.”

 

“I didn’t.” 

 

He’s lying.

 

EJ can tell.

 

“ _Tell_ _me_ you didn’t ask for a trade.” EJ’s voice wavers, just slightly, and it cracks at the end.

 

He shakes his head as he grabs his keys and shoulders his bag.

 

“I can’t- I can’t be here EJ,” Gabe whispers. “I’m sorry.” 

 

When he leaves the locker room, EJ doesn’t follow.

  
  


**…**

  
  


_ “You’re going to leave over one person?” _

 

_ “It’s not one person. And you don’t know what he did.” _

 

_ “Barrie?” _

 

_ “Who else.” _

 

_ “Landy-” _

 

_ “It’s fine. Nate can wear the C. You’ll be better off without me here.” _

 

**…**

 

Gabe is perfectly happy to sit on the couch after the game and watch some bad cooking shows. Stewing in his misery with nothing but his team Sweden sweatshirt and a pair of ratty pajama pants isn’t the most fun activity he can think of, but it works pretty well with his mood. Plus, he gets to ignore every post-game recovery action he normally partakes in, with the exception of popping a few Tylenol. 

 

Some nondescript amount of time later Landy becomes aware of noises in his kitchen, and with a sticky slowness to this thoughts, he realized he fell asleep. He’s sideways instead of vertical and there’s a blanket over him that he doesn’t remember grabbing. But unless someone broke into his house just to use his stove, that’s probably EJ.

 

He climbs his way off the couch to pad slowly into the kitchen, a familiar figure moving around that confirms his suspicions. The older man stops what he’s doing to glance at Gabe, who shrinks a little at the very critical eye that’s cast over him.

 

“Thanks.” He whispers, suddenly very aware of how much of a dick he’s been to his best friend in the last couple of days. EJ doesn’t deserve to be treated like his opinion doesn’t matter, especially not by Gabe. 

 

EJ nods. Landy pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders and goes to sit at the island in the middle. They don’t talk, EJ fiddling with something on his counter next to the sink while Gabe is too wrapped up in the sleep still clinging to his skin.

 

He’s been staring at the granite top of the island, trying to keep his eyes open when a small plate gets put in front of him. 

 

“Eat,” EJ instructs.

 

Gabe stares.

 

“Did you make me a pb and j?” He mumbles, staring at the fluffy bread. 

 

“Yes, because I know you haven’t eaten anything after since the second period. Now eat.”

 

Gabe does and very wisely doesn’t make a comment about the lack of crust. EJ’s tone is flat but firm, which means this is not going to be a ‘get Gabe into a suitable sleeping surface and leave’ visit like it was last time. 

 

He munches on the sandwich and drinks the milk from the glass that’s slid across the stone countertop and he says nothing because he really doesn’t want to have whatever talk is about to be had. 

 

When they’re done eating and Gabe is a little more awake, EJ whisks the dishes out from under him and rinses them before putting them in the dishwasher. When they’re away, EJ is standing with his back pressed against the counter, facing Gabe with his arms crossed and his gaze to the floor. 

 

“Are we gonna-”

 

“Nope.”

 

Gabe nods. “Cool, so in that case, I’m just going to-”

 

“Sit your ass in that chair before I stop resisting the urge to punch you in the face ” EJ growls.

 

Gabe sits.

 

“What did I do?”

 

“Besides request a trade in the middle of the season and not talk to me about it?” Landy winces a little at that. That wasn’t the smartest. 

 

When he looks up, Erik is staring at him, but there’s no anger there. Exasperation and worry, maybe, but no anger. 

 

“Besides that.” He mumbles. 

 

EJ shakes his head and sighs. “Nothing. Maybe jump to conclusions a little too fast, but I don’t blame you for that.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For not trusting that your teammates wouldn’t do what you think they did? I don’t know Gabe, I just- this is really fucking stupid. You don’t realize that because you don’t know what happened, but as an outsider who had to go yell at two rookies I used to house, it really sucked to watch this go down like it did.”   
  


“Oh jeez, I’m so  _ fucking sorry  _ the entire team and the guy you’re in love with didn’t decide to play a prank on you using your fucking sexuality as the punchline.” Gabe snaps. 

 

“That’s not what happened-”

 

“It doesn’t fucking matter, you can’t tell me that being able to watch this from the sidelines was somehow  _ worse  _ for you!”

 

“Then maybe it sucked watching you get hurt by it and not be able to do  _ anything _ .” 

 

Gabe reigns himself in at that because EJ- he sounded  _ wrecked _ .

 

There is something from before though. “You said- I don’t know what happened?”

 

EJ nods. “I didn’t know if you’d believe me, so I- I asked some of the guys to come over.”

 

Rather on cue, there’s a soft knock on the door.

 

Gabe stares at EJ. 

 

“I hate you.” 

 

EJ gives him a gap-toothed smile in return, patting him on the shoulder. “It’s gonna be fun.”

 

**…**

 

Twenty minutes later the group is spread out around his living room, Mikko flopped shamelessly over one recliner, JT in another with Kerfy sitting on the floor by his feet. Gabe taking refuge on one side of his couch while EJ occupies the other, leaving plenty of space between them. Probably picking on the sharp ‘ _ stay the fuck away from me _ ’ signals Gabe is trying to give off from the small ball he’s curled himself into. The others are looking at him like he’s a cornered animal, and honestly, he feels like one. 

 

He feels like this should all be prefaced by acknowledging the fact that they are all men here, and all hockey players. Landy is self-aware. He knows full well these types of conversations  _ do not happen _ .

  
  


In response to their previous conversation, this, no,  _ Erik Robert Johnson _ , this is not, quote, ‘ _ fun’ _ .

 

Mikko is uncharacteristically serious, JT looks about as uncomfortable as Gabe feels, and Kerf looks constantly unsure if he should even be in the room. Mostly, they all look overly concerned and a little bit afraid. 

 

Gabe is...overwhelmed.

 

It’s been nice and silent for a while now, the tension so thick he could make a sandwich out of it. 

 

“So I guess this the part where you explain what you’re doing here?” Gabe asks quietly. He can’t sit here for any longer, wondering what the hell they all have to say to him.

 

The three of them share a glance, then Comphy finds his tongue.

 

“We- we’re sorry.” He says haltingly. “We didn’t know that- and I mean none of us, not just us three - we didn’t know that you didn’t know.”

 

Gabe wonders how pathetic it would look if he took the pillow he’s clinging to and hugged it to his chest. “What is it that I didn’t know?” He asks 

 

Compher looks strickenly at EJ. “I thought you told him?”

 

“I didn’t think he’d believe me. Hence your presence.” 

 

“If he won’t believe  _ you- _ ”

 

“I’m right here you know.” Mikko sighs dramatically and tilts his head towards Gabe.

 

“We didn’t know that you thought it was real. We would’ve told you if we had.”

 

“We, being all-encompassing.” JT mutters. 

 

He looks between the two of them, eyes narrowed. He refuses to listen to the tiny flutters of hope in happening in his chest. If they’re lying….

 

“So- what then, you just thought I was going on dates with Tyson because…” 

 

Kerf speaks up, looking sheepish. “You were being a good Captain?”

 

Gabe stares at him flatly, then turn his head towards EJ. “You told me my crush was visible from the fucking moon.”

 

EJ pinches the bridge of his nose. “God, it fucking  _ is _ ,” He moans. “But apparently everyone on the team is as oblivious as you are.” 

 

Gabe huffs, and EJ’s eyes widen suddenly. 

 

“Wait.” He looks at Mikko. “You knew. I know you knew. I was sitting next to you when you figured it out.” 

 

Gabe inhales sharply, looking at Mikko with a fresh sense of pain. 

 

The young Fin looks panicked. “I didn’t know that he thought the dating shit was real! I just knew that he- that you like Tyson. I thought you were being an idiot and torturing yourself by doing that for him.”

 

The hope dies in his chest. “So you all knew that we were dating? Or- whatever you want to call it.”

 

“No- well, yes but- okay so,” Comphy sits forward, gesturing with his hands. “So we knew that Tyson asked you and that you said yes, but we thought you knew that it wasn’t real. We wouldn’t have let that happen if we knew that you thought it  _ was  _ real.”

 

“It was supposed to be a  _ favor _ ,” EJ spits, hands clenched into fists on his lap. “But he never told you that all he needed was for someone to  _ appear  _ as his boyfriend-”

 

“-so you thought - and rightfully so, I mean it’s pretty straightforward when someone says ‘ _ hey go on a date with me _ ’ and nothing else - that he...was serious about it.” Mikko finishes. 

 

Confused does not begin to describe what Gabe is right now. He’s slightly ecstatic at the idea that his entire team didn’t do what he thought he did, but he’s not sure if that relief is enough to alleviate the hurt that it caused. 

 

Actually- 

 

Actually, it is, because the second he processed what they were saying he believed them, and yes, his instincts were right, he  _ can  _ trust these guys.

 

What pain is left, is all from Tyson.

 

“Did- did  _ he  _ know?” He asks tentatively, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. 

 

There’s a moment of silence, of which he assumes is filled with the other four trying to communicate silently. He picks at the fabric until some decision is made, and it’s Mikko again, probably because EJ sounds too mad to speak on Tyson’s behalf.

 

“We don’t know. Nate and Willy- I guess Willy was in the dark too, but Nate...he’s stuck by Tyson. Hasn’t said a word to anyone about it.” The last part is bitter. Gabe supposes that means Mikko has gone to Nate about it and gotten nothing out of it.

 

So...so okay. This is- okay. This is good. Gabe is tired and overwhelmed and but incredibly, immensely,  _ relieved _ . His team didn’t watch him walk around fake dating Tyson. 

 

Well, they did, but they didn’t do so  _ maliciously _ . It wasn’t some joke to them.

 

“Do you really think he would-”

 

“It doesn’t matter if he would or wouldn’t, he still  _ did _ .” EJ snaps at Kerfy, which has Gabe raising his eyes to him. “You don’t just- I don’t care how fucking stupid you can be when you’re playing with someone's emotions, their sexuality, and consequently, their  _ livelihood _ , you make sure you’re fucking clear about your intentions.”

 

No one comments on that.

 

Gabe nods, then blinks, drawing a hand down his face. “Okay.”

 

Mikko looks between him and EJ. “Okay?” He parrots.

 

“Okay, I believe you.” Landy sighs. “Thanks for- for telling me.”

 

“So-” Kerfy looks around, unsure. “Does that mean you’ll stay?”

 

“Stay?” His brow furrowed in confusion, he looks towards EJ who grimaces. “You told them?!”

 

“ _ Only _ them.” EJ is quick to specify.    
  


“That isn’t- that’s not why we’re here, you know. I mean it’s part of it, but-” Gabe turns his glare to Comphy, who takes it with good grace. “Even if you still want to leave, we wanted you to know that we didn’t do what you thought we did. That we  _ wouldn’t  _ have.”

 

“That’s-” Gabe sighs. “Yeah. I- I’ll think about it.”

 

The trio seems to take this as a  _ ‘no’ _ because they all look at him with alarm and varying degrees of panic.

 

“Landy-”

 

“He said he’d think about it.” EJ runs over JT’s concern in a very decisive tone. He stands, and the others seem to correctly read the motion as it’s intended, shuffling out of his apartment with a myriad of anguished, uncertain looks sent his way.

 

It’s suddenly very quiet without the others to take up space. He didn’t realize how lonely he’s been the last few days, not talking to or hanging out with anyone.

 

EJ comes back in. “You’ll think about it?” He asks quietly.

 

Gabe closes his eyes and pushes back the sudden urge to cry. “I don’t know if I can… with Tys, I- I don’t know. If I can do that.”

 

“You know I’m not saying what he did was okay - I’m pretty fucking angry at him myself - but I don’t think he knew that you thought that…” EJ takes a deep breath. “Alright, you know what I’m gonna go home, because- fuck it.”

 

Gabe smirks at him from the couch. He understands that all   well. “Yeah.” EJ turns towards the door, and something about the whole situation finally hits him. “Hey, uh- thanks. For- for all of this. I know I haven’t been a very good Captain lately, and I- I just didn’t want you to think that I- like this really helped you know? And I wouldn’t have-”

 

EJ rolls his eyes. “Gabe.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Shut up and go to bed.”

 

“Okay.” He whispers. EJ leaves, and Gabe locks the door behind him before going in search of his phone.

 

He texts his agent, then coach, and then he scrolls through a lot of rather frantic messages from a few days ago and answers his teammates as best he can. Mostly he gets positive things back, and a few even offer to have Tyson mysteriously go missing, which he appreciates but- no.

 

He stares at one contact name in particular though, and it takes him a lot longer than he would’ve like to open the chat.

 

There a single text.

 

_ ‘I’m so sorry Gabe.’ _

 

He hates what his heart does at the sight of those words. Before he can lose his nerve though, he texts back.

 

‘ _ We need to talk. _ ’

 

**\------------------------------------------------------------//////-------------------------------------------------------------**

 

**_Tyson_ ** **.**

 

“What do I do, what does this mean, what do I-”

 

“ _ Fucking breathe, Tyson _ ,” Nate tells him. Even over the phone, it sounds exasperated. “ _ Start with that. _ ”

 

“I thought he hated me?” He asks- the room? God? Nate? Someone who has answers as to why when he turned on his phone this morning he had a text sitting on it from Gabe.

 

Gabriel Landeskog, who Tyson had successfully  _ accidentally  _ tricked into thinking he was actually dating Tyson. Gabe who was one of his best friends, Gabe who apparently found out through the team first, Gabe who looks so fucking broken whenever Tyson looks at him that Tyson went to coach right after and said words he never actually thought would slip from his mouth.

 

_ “I wasn’t under that impression. _ ”

 

Tyson pulls his phone away to glare at it. He puts it back to his ear to snap “If I were him, I’d hate me.”

 

“ _ He does not hate you. Is really hurt and probably heartbroken, maybe, but he does not-” _ Nate cuts himself off suddenly. 

 

“What.”

 

“ _ Mikko _ .”

 

“What about him?” 

 

“ _ Yesterday he was asking me about what you knew- I didn’t say anything, but he asked.” _

 

“What does that have to with anything? I’m freaking the fuck out over here-”

 

“ _ First of all, like I said, you need to fucking breath. I am over half an hour from your house, if you have a panic attack over the phone with me I’m going to kill you. Second, Mikko is about as perceptive as a sack of bricks. He wouldn’t have to come to me to specifically ask about you unless someone talked to him about it. _ ”

 

Tyson only realizes he was pacing when he stops. “EJ.” He says with dreadful certainty.

 

_ “Yeah.” _

 

“You think they talked to Gabe?”

 

_ “I didn’t get anything, but Z and Sam both asked if I’d gotten anything from Landy last night, so…” _

 

“Shit. Shit, shit,  _ shit _ , okay what do I do?” Tyson runs his free hand through his hair, making bedhead look wilder. He hasn’t slept more than a few hours, to wrecked by his guilt and the bone-deep sorrow of losing someone he might’ve loved.

 

“ _ Practice isn’t until two, try going to his place? _ ”

 

“But then- what the fuck do I say? Grovel? Do I grovel? I mean, apologize, obviously, but also-”

 

“ _ Tell him that you love him. _ ”

 

Tyson feels his heart freeze, then he sinks very slowly down onto his bed. “ _ What?”  _ His voice is weak.

 

_ “I said tell him you love him. An apology isn’t going to cut it Tys, you have to show him you mean it. _ ”

 

“Nate-”

 

_ “If he can deal with his heart getting trampled on by you and this entire team, you can put yourself out there for him.” _ Nate snaps. 

 

Tyson flinches. His breathing is shaky but he’s been nothing short of a wreck for the last few days. He can do this. He owes Gabe this.

 

_ “He said yes to dating you for real, remember? He said yes once. Give him a reason to say it again _ .”

 

**…**

 

The drive over is so stressful that he actually can’t think of what he’s going to say. He just hears Nates words repeat over and over in his head, and he knows Nate’s right, he does, but it’s so hard for him to think about it.

 

When thinking about what sort of disaster he’d created, what made it all worse was the idea that it  _ could’ve  _ been real.

 

Those dates were some of the happiest memories of his life, and they could’ve been real.

 

He parks haphazardly in Gabe’s driveway and rushes up the steps, keys still in hand, adrenaline flooding his system to make his hands shake as he knocks.

 

“Why did you say yes?” He asks breathlessly the second Gabe opens the door.

 

Landy stares at him, guarded and wary.

 

“Why did you ask in the first place?”

 

‘ _ You have to show him you mean it’. _ Nate’s words ring clear in his ears. ‘ _ He won’t believe you if you don’t put yourself out there.’ _

Tyson takes a deep breath.

 

“Because you were the only person I knew wouldn’t judge me for it. Because you’ve never judged for the dumb shit I get worried about. And because...you were the only person I could see myself dating. You were the only person I wanted to date. And I- I wanted it to be real. I was desperate for it to be real, but told myself I couldn’t have it.” He dares to look his Gabe in the eye. “Just- just you have to believe me, Landy, I  _ never  _ would’ve- if I knew that you thought it was real, I wouldn’t have let you continue to think so. I’m sorry.”

 

Gabe stares at him, eyes hard, expression unreadable. He hasn’t opened the door more than a few inches. 

 

Tyson doesn’t know what to do. It’s clear that Gabe doesn’t want him here, and he did what he came here to do, so he shuffles backward a bit, ready to retreat.

 

He goes down the first few steps in silence, and thinks _ ‘that’s it, that’s really all there’s going to be, it’s over _ ’.

 

Then Landy speaks.

 

“I said yes because I-” He cuts himself with a sigh. “Jesus, Tyson.”

 

Tyson is tense, staring down at the ground. 

 

He’s never heard Gabe sound like that. Never heard his voice rough, wavering, cracking with pain and emotion. 

 

Or maybe-

 

-maybe he  _ has _ , but he’s never been the  _ cause _ .

 

“I said yes because I stupidly thought you actually like me back,” Gabe says eventually, causing Tyson to lift his head in some dumb attempt to stop the hot rush of tears. He inhales a shaky stuttering motion.

 

“I’m sorry that you ever thought I didn’t.” He replies because he’s been so, so stupid, but the least he can do is be honest. Gabe deserves that.

 

“You know EJ’s been trying to get me to ask you out for over a year.”

 

“Gabe-” He doesn’t want to hear how bad he’s fucked up, but he really isn’t in a position to say anything.

 

“And suddenly you ask me out, and it was the best day of my life.” 

 

Tyson wants to puke. Landy just keeps going.

 

“Finding out it was fake was...and I should’ve been pissed you know? I should’ve been so fucking angry with you.”

 

He chokes on a sob, still trying desperately not to cry. It’s fine. Gabe sounds like he’s doing the same anyway.

 

“Can you at least look at me when I tell you I love you?”

 

‘ _ Lies, lies, lies _ ’ his brain screams. 

 

The first tears slip down his cheeks as he turns around.

 

Gabe is standing there, door opens a little wider so he can lean in the doorway with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans. Looking utterly devastated.

 

“I love you?” He says it like it’s a question. “And I guess I have for a while. Finding out you liked me back, then thinking you didn’t like me at all, and that it was all a lie and the team knew about it...it sucked, but I never- even right after finding out, I never got  _ angry _ . I was  _ hurt _ , Tys, I was so hurt I wanted to-” He cuts himself off, swallowing hard. Tyson doesn’t think he wants to know what the end of that sentence was. “I never got angry. I- I loved you so much, that I never…”

 

“ _ Loved _ .” Tyson mumbles then dares to meet Landy's eyes again.

 

“ _ Love _ .” Gabe corrects, gentle. “I love you, Tyson Barrie.”

 

“Well,” He croaks. “That’s convenient.”

 

“You gonna tell me you love me too?”

 

“First of all-” He sputters, caught off guard by Gabe’s cockiness, but happy it’s there all the same. “Yes, you dramatic dick. Second of all, this means I don’t have to go play for the Wild or somewhere horrible.”

 

Gabe’s eyes widen. “Tyson you didn’t.”

 

“Of course I did you asshole!” He yells, furiously wiping at his eyes. “I did this to you, you think I didn’t know how fucked up that was? I wasn’t going to stay when all it would do is hurt you more.”

 

Landy raises an eyebrow. “Well, I guess it’s been a stressful few weeks for Coach then. Two main players asking for a trade-”

 

“You-”

 

“Yep.”

 

“ _ Landy _ .”

 

“I didn’t say it was smart,” Gabe argues, rubbing at the back of his neck. “And you don’t have a leg to stand on here.”

 

Tyson sighs. He no longer feels like he’s about to drown in his guilt, but this entire conversation has happened out in the open air, and it’s cut him up inside.

 

“We really fucked this up didn’t we.” Gabe says ruefully.

 

Tyson shrugs and gives a watery laugh in response. “ _ I _ fucked this up.”

 

Landy ponders that for a few seconds. “Yeah, but I’m forgiving you for it.”

 

“Oh,” He hesitates. “Well- thank you. Um. Yeah.” He’s shaking a little still, and he’s got an oncoming headache. 

 

He has to know if he blew it.

 

“So, maybe this is way too soon, but would you want to...um, I mean I can show you what an actual first date would look like?”

 

Gabe looks surprised. Tyson raises his arm towards his car a little desperately. “I promise where we’re going doesn’t require the most dashing suit you have.”

 

The captain laughs but ultimately nods. “Maybe a little early for ice cream, Tys.” 

 

Tyson stares incredulously, even if he’s literally weak with relief. “It is  _ never  _ too early for DQ. I’m hurt, Gabriel.”

 

“You’ll be fine,” Gabe mutters, locking his door and walking to join Tyson at the car.

 

He waits until they’re seated in a booth with massive blizzards in front of them before he says it.

 

“Hey.” Gabe looks up at him with wide eyes and a little bit of ice cream on his nose. 

 

“I love you too.”

 

\------

 

**Author's Note:**

> *sobs* I have a headache Im exhausted I think I've never really done these two before and I've never one of these before and i felt so much like the college student i am submitting things literally at the last minute god please I hope someone enjoyed this


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